COVID, Creative Writing, and Comics

Experimenting with Procreate

UPDATES

It’s been a while since I’ve posted—and I have been busy with school since then. It takes up most of my free-time—time that I would normally use to develop projects or even just spending it on family. I know that having a degree will help me, but I'll admit, it's been rough from time to time. While I find my literature classes interesting, they can be taxing. That said, I'm gaining new tools in my repertoire and I believe it's improved my writing.

Work has been… well, work. Thanks to COVID and the lockdown, we’re serving a reduced and specific purpose and our team has shrunk considerably. Working from home has advantages and disadvantages… lack of social contact has really affected me the most, though. I miss casual contact with coworkers as well as making new friends from simple proximity and conversation. It’s a hard deal… but deal we must. I've known many people who have had the virus- many have suffered, and I just found out that a family friend passed from it.

Lockdown has given me a chance to rewatch all my favorite comic book movies, and some new shows such as WandaVision.  Everytime I see that Marvel Studios open my hair stands on end. It inspires me to create!

 

WHAT'S HE COOKIN' NOW?

As I have been writing, I’ve been eyeing some of my shelved comic book projects. I love comics, have a fair-sized collection, and if you’ve been reading this blog you’ll see I’ve flirted with it for a very, very, very long time. I wanted to be a comic artist early on, but wrestled with my slow development and short attention span, and discovered other avenues of artistic expression. But, things come full circle and I am back at home, while being at home, and writing the first issue of my new comic line.

Joseph Crowfoot will return!

 I am planning on making this title my flagship piece. The plan is to create six issues that can be compiled into a graphic novel, but if I can garner some interest, I will definitely submit it to some comic publishers. We’ll see if I can cut the mustard on it. Regardless, this is my calling- it combines all my previous passions for storytelling, visuals, drawing, design, cinematic sequentials, it simply has it all.

I’m experimenting with some technologies- such as using an iPad and Procreate (see the main image above), but I’m also working traditionally. I will say that my emphasis is on story—front and foremost.        

So… when can you plan on seeing something? I know I announce projects and then they end up dying. Not this one. I plan on sticking to it because I’ve had this character for many, many years, and have even talked about it in passing. Without delving into any spoilers (I want to finish the first comic- no point in spreading empty hype), I will tell you this: it’s occult detective series who happens to also monster hunt; it will reprise Joseph Crowfoot from Corner of the Mind’s Eye—the main character from my first feature film attempt. He’s not the lead character but will be a regular in this new series, and he will have the same powers. This is the same character, but 15 years later, so he’ll be about 53. Here's a clip from one of our rehearsals on the COTME set: 

I'm excited for this series because I have the first few books planned. I am working vigorously on the script to meet my self-imposed deadline of February 21st, at which time I'll start the art. Much of the character design is finished- like I said, I have been working on this for years. The lead character is female, and very, very capable. 

It comes down to this: I need a finished product to act as, well, a product to sell, and to double as my portfolio for my career. Yes, I am going to school for creative writing, but that ties right back into this, comics, my first love. However, like I had mentioned above, I want something to show- PAGES to show, no empty hype! I expect that my skill will improve each issue. I am looking into distribution avenues including self-publishing. 

In the end, I want to entertain you. The trick is doing the work.

 

 

I’ve surrendered to My Calling, and now I’m happy.

Drawing, filmmaking, writing. Drawing, writing. Filmmaking, series-producing, writing. Writing. Writing. Writing. 

Writing. 

I love to write. I have done it every single day since I was eleven years old. At my eighth-grade parent/teacher conference, my English teacher—Mrs. Stewart—told my mom “His creative writing reminds me of my own writing when I was in college.” The caustic would berate her ability, but I truly believe this was a complement.

Why didn’t I pursue writing as a vocation?

Fear.

Fear of ridicule, of rejection. Silly things like caring what other people thought of me. Guilt and a sense of duty to “find a paying job” that Put-Food-On-The-Table-And-A-Roof-Over-My-Family’s-Head. Paradoxically, laughably, I chose the path of a visual artist to do that. I ended up sliding into paying banalities the likes of: production artist, production video, marketeer… skill-based but about as interesting as the flat side of a thumbtack.

Recently, an incident shook the complacency from my life. I learned that my position was evolving from being production-driven to curation-minded. I would no longer be “creating” items, but managing vendors instead. This infuriated me at first, but intense soul-searching lead to a realization: “This is an opportunity to re-assess everything I am.” 

“First thing’s first,” I told myself, “I need to go back to school.” My experience alone has been enough to garner jobs, but today’s reality is different. In order to compete in the job market, I have to have evidence of my ability. I need a degree. Ironically, I work for an online university—but it does not offer anything that interests me. 

“If I’m going to do this, it needs to be something that will keep me engaged.” The search began. Illustration and filmmaking were out, I knew that. I knew it was time to come forward with who I really am.

I’ve always written stories, but I had to assess what my weaknesses were; I’m ashamed to say it’s a common malady… I lack proper education in grammar. I know my tenses are all over the place, I have a vague idea what participles are, and I think I use semicolons correctly 50% of the time. Then there’s active voice, split infinitives, etc. I’ve taken it upon myself to learn, but I need guidance. I started looking at writing degrees.

There are plenty of writing programs out there. At the risk of sounding like a testimonial, it needs to fit my schedule—that means most brick-and-mortar schools are out (even the ones with online classes, since they’re taught at specific times). It needs to be non-profit, and it needs to be inexpensive. It didn’t take long to find one that matched my needs perfectly.

I applied and was accepted to Southern New Hampshire University’s Creative Writing program. My previous credits from Community College allow me to start out as a Junior. And further, this path will open up future opportunities with my career while I hone my craft at night.

However (and this is the best part), NOTHING WITH WHAT I DO IN MY SPARE TIME WILL CHANGE. I will still write, but now it will be with intention, with focus, and with pride. I have hundreds of stories that I have told. Once I’m confident in my ability, I’ll WANT to share them… just give me time to edit them first. 

“But Juan, what about your drawing? What about your films?”

Yeah- what about them? 

I’ll likely have the urge to draw once in a while or pick up a camera… but it will be on a whim, for nobody else, and for comfort. I won’t resent doing those things anymore because they aren’t important to me… or rather, they aren’t important for the wrong reasons. 

So here it is, 2020 is a new year. A new decade. I’m coming out as my TRUE self because I have finally accepted my calling.

Kicking up the Settling Dust

Inktober 2019 came and went- and I actually managed to post a piece of art every single day. To be fair, I didn’t follow any prompts; I simply used a list for illustrations I needed for a table top card game I had designed, and when I got bored of that I did whatever. You can check out my Instagram profile to see the fruits of my month of madness.

That said, I wanted to continue to create creating ink illustrations. I don’t want to lose the huge gains I made improving my skill, and it gave me time to think about what I want to do. I am caught in a world between filmmaking and drawing. I seesaw in it because I like doing both, but if I want to gain true mastery I know I need to drop one or the other. The thing is I don’t want to.

That said, above is a drawing I did of a character from one of my feature-length screenplays which I want to adapt to graphic novel. I like the way she turned out, and it is close to the style I plan on making my oneshot comic. I originally had another idea for the oneshot, but I might go with this paranormal-noir script I have.

I just need to refine the idea into something workable. It always goes back to writing in that regard.

Right now my two main influences are Mark Schultz and Paul Pope. The two are extreme opposite when it comes to execution, but I find that love both styles and want to incorporate their art dna into my next project. I don’t know if it will be successful, but I intend to have fun exploring it!
-->

Self-applying Salt in Old Wounds

Old angst used for good.

A few days ago, I had a long conversation with my day job manager, Marc, who is also my mentor and friend. Our chat went to discussing those who we would consider our personal Nemesis. His was a narcissistic old professor he had while he was in college. The dude sounded like a real deuchbag, but Marc persevered. Mine, no less deuchy, was a former friend and business partner from ages (read 'DECADES') ago.

We both got worked up as old memories surfaced and we told our war stories of betrayal and disgust. It's easy for old wounds to open up especially when they're so deep as they happened so young. After our chat, the rekindling of old anger dredged up the motivation to work on some projects. Applying salt to an old wound is not healthy, but it is effective.

However, the poison faded quickly- the thought of drinking in more toxic memories to feel powerful conjured many a cautionary tale. They ARE old wounds, but they HAD HEALED. My former acquaintance had actually given me a gift in the form of a life-long lesson: he serves as a template as a type to avoid. It has worked time and time again... and come to think of it, as recently as six months ago.

Would I ever want to be a friend of this "old Nemesis" again?

No.

He had contacted me ten years ago and I tried, but I walked right into the same vat of manipulation and abuse. I doubt he's changed. I'm certain it's been played over a million times as he presents himself as a victim- most narcissists do. But, while I'm not "over it" (and likely will never be), the vigor of old wounds has faded. I can talk about it freely now without the sting- and that is indeed positive.

Still, it serves as a way to stimulate the creative process. Creative acts pull from personal experiences, and I used those feelings constructively. It provided energy to kickstart productivity- and served me well when I filled a dozen pages in my sketchbook last night. By 9pm, I was mentally and physically exhausted.

I have the opportunity to help with a new video project- a docuseries that will involve travel throughout the outback of the intermountain west. I had taken on this project because I love adventure and for the same reason I tapped into old angst—experiences are the truest building blocks to create something new.

The Center of My Mind's Eye

Author's note: originally written in 2006.

 

I’ve been working on a post-steampunk (steampunk without the Victorian tropes) novel for a few months. I’ve found some fantastic people who have been great at workshopping my story with me; listening to my rambles as I try to figure out the tone and plot of my post-apocalyptic story world.

As such, I’ve been helping some of these friends with their creative endeavors. One thing I’m particularly excited about is that I’ve come up with some ideas for a music video for my very talented friend, Libby Lenan. The flood gates of creativity have opened. While looking at ways I could shoot this no-budget video, I had been looking into some incredible work by skilled artisans of iPhone cinematography, and have become flooded with ideas on how to improve many old scripts and resurrecting old projects like “Corner of the Mind’s Eye”. 

Of ALL the film projects I wish I had finished, Corner of the Mind’s Eye is the closest to my heart. 

I could rant about why it folded to begin with… but it came down to two things: MY lack of skill, reliance on someone else to provide that skill and equipment. I was at the mercy of their agenda. However, I learned the most valuable lesson of my career: become technical and hone the craft. Perhaps this notion of making a film by relying on visual craft and using an iPhone to shoot it, Corner of the Mind’s Eye’s re-imagining could happen.

It has come back full circle. Because of my new ideas, I’ve gained ground against creative block afflicting my steampunk novel. 

Last summer, I decided to let my creativity ‘free-flow’… which means seizing and acting on inspiration, and refusing to stop up imaginative flow— to do so stifles that creativity.

Inktober so far…

I am falling behind on these prompts. I am two days behind- partially because of some impromptu overnight plans this last weekend, but more because I am drawing a blank (pun unintended, but approved).

I've noticed a few things while attempting Inktober—I have a long way to go with the particular inking style I want to master, but my default technique is actually decent.

Creative block is my current struggle. Between home life and work projects, my artistic well is running on fumes. Despite distractions of everyday life, many of my ideas are from personal projects that I’m not ready to share publicly... and it's pushing me into a self-imposed block.

I’ve had a hard time with the official prompt list; though many other lists are a bit more literal on WHAT to draw, I haven’t had much inspiration. Again, like I said, I’m drawing a blank.

Here are some of the better daily ink drawings. Hopefully, I can come up with something decent fin the next couple of weeks.

-->

The Bookshelf Academy: Part II

In a previous entry, I realized that I have an incredible resource under my nose- my own personal library of books I’ve bought over the years. My art books, in particular, are my most valued. This will be an ongoing, intermittent series of my personal favorite books culled from my personal library. Books that actually TAUGHT me something. Each upcoming entry will briefly highlight three books.

However, before we get into it, I want to outline my approach to actually USING these books. I could drone on in an intense article- but I'm doing us both a favor by simply outlining the facts.

How I self-teach using an art instruction book

• Get to know the book:
• Go through it, cover-to-cover.
• Don’t be afraid to jump ahead if you feel inspired.
• Make a concerted effort to start at the beginning and do the exercises within:
• LABEL each art with the book and the exercise/page number! This will give you a reference as you go through your sketchbook notes.
• If there are no exercises, try your own drawing using the presented technique.
• Keep these in your main sketchbook- write notes on what you like and don’t like about your own work.
• Don’t be afraid to mess up your drawings with notes- these are exercises not works of art!
• While doing the learning exercises, if you create a sketchbook drawing that you find you really like, then it’s okay to save it—but that can be counter-productive.
• Fear in destroying/writing over an exercise drawing drowns your confidence. Be confident-simply recreate. Use emotion to draw, but don’t become sentimental of your past sketchbook/learning work.
• Improvement comes by pushing forward, not by resting on lucky laurels.
• All that said, if you want to preserve a drawing but want to draw over it with notes or corrections, tape tracing paper over the work to draw on. It’s also a great way to protect your work from smearing on the opposite page.
• Posting on Social Media:
• This one is tricky… IF you decide to post your exercise- make sure you post credit to the book and artist you are working from. Plagiarism is a fine line, don’t cross it!
• An old professor of mine once said, “To design is to give up a pound of flesh.” It’s blood, sweat and tears. You are allowing yourself to be vulnerable and art is subjective. Ask for friendly critique and blow off harsh or rude reviews… develop that tough skin- it will DEFINITELY help you later in your career!
• Art is subjective. Post attention is a great way to measure your artwork's appeal. Keep in mind of the size of your audience, though.

Do you have anything to add? How do you use your Art Instruction books?

A world of Inktobers…

Brush pen illustration by Juan Maestas, Copyright 2018.

I have been using a Faber-Castell PITT artist pen, soft brush #199. I love it. The point is fine, the bristles are soft. The ink is dark. And I found it at Michael’s for only $5.

I’d rather ink with a brush, but it’s a messy affair- and clean-up is brutal. With a brush pen, you get the experience. However, it’s water soluble ink… meaning that it’s not waterproof and erasers pick up the ink when you try to rub out pencil lines.

I had been teaching myself how to ink for years. I was trying to develop my confidence as nervousness leads to shaky results.

One way to gain confidence is to draw with a ball point pen: I filled up an entire small sketch book with hundreds of messy pen drawings. As I was feeling more confident, I moved on to crowquill. I would also use india ink mechanical pens, but you get no flexibility in the line.

It’s been a few years of on/off use, and you’ve seen me post some stuff before. Now that Jake Parker has released the Inktober 2018 list (here’s a print friendly copy) I am going to use the brush pen as much as possible. Follow @InkTober and @JakeParker on Twitter and Instagram!

A print friendly version of Jake Parker's Inktober 2018 list.

Exorcising Old Ghosts with Brush, Pen, and Ink

It’s been an interesting few months since I’ve updated last. I have been working diligently in my sketchbook—which I will share with you right now (most of these lifted from my Instagram).

You can see I’ve been working hard at inking with traditional tools instead of the India Ink Pilot pens- which I love, but are inflexible when it comes to line thickness.

I’ve also been experimenting with style. Here are some cartoony ones that I had done a number of months ago, as well as an homage to G.I. JOE fan art. It is what it is… nothing is really refined. I also took some time to work on some pages from Brian K. Morris’ Masked Pilot story.

My largest project is an 88-page graphic novel. Accountability to myself is difficult; I have a wife and family, and a very demanding full-time job, and other responsibilities- I have precious little time to myself.

From time-to-time I get inquiries about working for a project. I’m humbled that people find my work valuable and appealing. However, when I join up, my personal projects are put on the back burner, and the result is an immense backlog of stories that remain hidden on notebooks and hard drives. I need to be selective. It is difficult.

With so many stories that I want to tell, I needed to cull my library of writing. I had a few contenders, but in the end, one stood out: my monster huntress story. Yes, the concept not new, but the character and synopsis are unique. Horror isn’t much my forte, but I like monster stories set in exotic locales, and my strategy to finish is to focus on ONE character doing ONE job- a personal struggle I share with the main character. I'm not ready to show her off yet, but I hope to have something by this fall.

A friend of mine told me a monster hunting story sounds therapeutic… maybe it is. I’ve dealt with many who have burned me in the past, so perhaps this is a way to exorcise old ghosts. I’ve certainly paid my dues… so now it’s my turn to get out there into the world.

Finding Focus

My signed copy of Spawn #9.

I had met Todd McFarlane briefly at the 1994 San Diego Comic Con. "Met" probably isn't really the most accurate word- he signed my copy of Spawn #9 (first appearance of Angela). At the time, I was more interested in meeting Greg Capullo, who was Todd's first penciller other than himself who worked on Spawn.


I came across this interview of him on Youtube by Complex, and have realized a number of very strong points that are helping me bring my focus ever sharper. I am dropping my games for now- I need to focus on the sequentials, and I am going to concentrate on ONE property... and I know which one.

Things have been rocky this month- my father-in-law has passed away and that's been rough. We are laying him to rest next week. Some other family items have come up, but life happens while you make other plans. The trick is to stay on course, and this video helped solidify my goals.

Finding creative conviction

I’ve been thinking about what got me into graphic design and illustration in the first place. Although I’ve always liked to draw and write, the friends that I had and their interests are what cemented my future endeavors.

It started with FASA’s Dr. Who RPG back in mid-1980s Jr. High. It was actually my first taste of role-playing, and we eventually worked up into AD&D 2^nd edition. It inspired me- I couldn’t afford all these games. What if I made my own? My friends tried talking me out of it, but I wasn’t deterred. I started designing my first table top- a horrible space fleet tactical game that relied on rulers and hundreds of dice that kept hit point scores. I drew space ships on pieces of cardboard, and despite the lousy game play, I had fun spending hours designing it. It was my first real experience with creative flow.

By the time I hit 10^th grade, I met my best friend, Bobby Hancock. He also had a space fleet game- arguably better than mine. We were also trying out roleplaying rules and my first RPG- “Starkillers” was borne. Yes, I had taken the name from Star Wars- but Lucas wasn’t doing much with any of that stuff in 1988- unless you count West End’s Star Wars RPG line (of which I own many books and started the entire Legends expanded universe… but I digress).

“Starkillers RPG” evolved into another game, which is shelved (and has been retitled, btw- for later public release). As I was building that game, I was teaching myself the fundamentals of graphic design and drawing to fill the universe. I had just graduated high school, and had zero prospects. To be honest, I didn’t know I was building the foundation of a future career.

Pushed into going to apply at Salt Lake Community College by my girlfriend (now wife) Charlotte, I was sitting in the Student Center flipping through the pages of the class catalog. Words jumped out at me as I skimmed and I saw the word “Cartooning” jump out at me. I flipped back and saw the Graphic Design degree. “What is this?” I wondered. Sheltered, pre-internet, I had never given any thought to it as a possible career. Suddenly, a light went off in my head- I could DESIGN my games and do it for a living!

My original intent faded as I was introduced to a whole new world of artistic opportunity. Fast forward a few years after school- it was very hard to break into the industry pre-internet. I had toyed around with going to Kubert Cartooning School- but I talked myself out of it. I wish I hadn’t… but in retrospect, I lacked conviction. That is a story for another time, though. I did have an experience at self-publishing a comic book, but that fell apart as my creative partner had too many personal problems. We went our separate ways, but it soured the taste of comic creation… well, I guess even to this day. Again, lack of conviction compounded by sour experiences- I just never followed that path to any satisfaction.

Post college, my first few jobs were horrible- a small print shop which lasted a month, and a family owned phone-book publishing company that was worse.  That one lasted a year and met one of my future best friends there. Those jobs paved the way for my decade-long stint in broadcast television… which led to my current job in multimedia in higher education.

And I’ve tried all sort of exploration into different types of artistic expression: animation, illustration, comic books, narrative writing, filmmaking… but never much into what I originally intended to do: game design. I had played around, and even attempted a card game a couple of years ago with a friend I had met at one of my jobs. It was a simple card game based on a rummy run, the first to create their 10 card run won.

Simple, right?

Well, we had different intents on that game- I wanted a simple quick competitive game and he and his family liked more strategic, cooperative games. While that endeavor fizzled out, it did give me some insight into how much gaming had evolved- I had been out of it for so long.

Back and forth again. Work, family, home, occasional creative experimentation… I even thought about developing my writing talents and becoming an author. Still on the list of possibilities, but being visual, and I do enjoy drawing… and the complex abstraction of figuring out game mechanics.

And so here we are- a meandering full circle. It’s been now nearly 30 years since I started designing games, and a 17 hear hiatus between letting it go and a failed start… now back to full on design again.

I’ve learned many lessons in my most recent attempt, and have played some other games with other friends. I have started a new pulp-adventure table top game that can be both cooperative and competitive, depending on your strategy. I have a playtest version ready to go- I’ve roughly illustrated a deck of cards to emulate the playing experience. It’s helping me brush up on my illustration and graphic design skills- because it needs to look as amazing as it is in my head. I've even went and opened a new Instagram account @lostskies7 to show how that's going.

It’s all coming together- all of my experiences. I always thought I had wandered off my path, but I was really adding to my repertoire of skills and building experiences. It’s a bit of uncharted territory for me, though… but exploring it is what is exciting.

Just show up.

A few of the things I get asked often is "how did you get so good?" or "Can you teach me to draw like you?". My answer is usually the same- you just need to practice. Everyday. For years. There are no shortcuts in this.

I came across this video- and he had another great bit of advice...


I don't draw everyday, but now I will. I just need to show up.

A funny thing happened while at the comic book store...

Example of Colin Wilson's excellent use
of lighting and solid draftsmanship.

There is a comic book shop about two miles from my work which I'll occasionally go do during lunch. I'd go more often but I'd become broke very quickly.

Because I don't go often, I'm not really keen on what's "hot" or up on any current story lines. I'm an artist, and buy only books based on if I like their art.

So I found a few, but one in particular- The Rocketeer Adventures 2 had a story in it where I loved the art. When I got it home I discovered it was by artist Colin Wilson, who've I'd admired for years and years! Of course I liked it! He's done everything from Blueberry, to Judge Dredd, to Rogue Trooper, to Star Wars Invasion (Incidentally, the last time I went I found Invasion and picked it up because I liked the art- and again discovered it was Colin).

One of the best things an artist should learn is to discover not only what catches their eye, but why. I like Colin's use of detail, the realism in his backgrounds, props and vehicles, and his characters... and the use of his camera shots.  The artwork feels alive.

Quality is never out of style

Another "republished" page. Admittedly, I went through kicks between being wanting to be a sequential artist or being a filmmaker, and because of that conflict, I would un-publish posts about what ever I wasn't into, trying to tailor my blog into what I wanted to reflect. In the end, sequential artist always seemed to win. Here's an older post that I had done talking about older newspaper strips. I was reading an article where Ham Fisher had so many assistants that he hardly drew much of his strip- which would account for the lack of consistency in his character designs.

These older strips were found through public domain, and had given me a real focus on how I want to approach my webcomic. -jfm

I've been trying to find other influences outside my traditional comfort zone. So, as you know I've discovered the Cisco Kid, but lately I've found some others whose artwork I really like:

Ham Fisher did a strip called "Joe Palooka" for 25 years. While there's not really any consistency in character design- I LOVE how many of the 'extras' are drawn in a semi-realistic/caricatured way- like the announcers in the second and third frame in this strip:

The brushwork is amazing!

Another old-timey newspaper comic was "Flyin' Jenny", done by Russell Keaton:

The paper-dolls are a bit much now-a-days, but I'm sure it was a great marketing gimmick!

I like the stylization of the character design, but I also like the attention to clean detail on the airplanes themselves. It's obvious that the best talent went to the newspaper strips back then.

It's gotten me thinking on my current influences as probably being influenced themselves by older sources. Quality draftsmanship never goes out of style... or rather, it shouldn't!

I bit the bullet.

Originally posted a few years ago- but blogger seems to make these jump back to the top after you've unpublished and republished again.

I'll be the first to say I never finished my end of the bargain on these correspondence courses. This one came right before my dad passed away, and while I've gone over and used the materials the boxed set came with, I never had the nerve to do the work and send it in for critique. 

If I do another course, it will be for story graphics or inking. I'm not severely interested in being a comic book artist as much as the now extinct Adventure Comic Strip artist (like Milton Caniff)- which was my first exposure to it all and what I really wanted to do. I may resurrect the webcomic attempt yet.

With that, here's the original article below, from sometime in late 2012:

After many, many years of regretting not going to the Joe Kubert School, and pining over the Correspondence Courses, I bit the bullet and ordered the "Heroes and Superheroes" course!

When I say many, many years, it goes back to 1988. I was rummaging through the quarter-bin comics at the now extinct "Comics Utah" and found something that caught my eye. It was the 1st (and to my knowledge only?) issue of "Joe Kubert School Presents 1st Folio." It caught my eye... what was this school? Subsequently, I saw ads for JKS throughout many of my comics, and had always wanted to go. I even went so far as to mail them for information, but fear held me back. Yep, I said it, fear. I won't blame life circumstances, or marriage, or kids, or money... it was fear. I was afraid of traveling cross country, if it was something I could make a living at with an impending family.  I feel I could have, had I had faith in my ability and just worked hard at it... but I didn't know that then, I was just running on emotion and shrank back. Of course, the lack of a support system probably set me back, but that's another story.

So, yes, I do regret not 'going for it'. But really, that's neither here nor there. I love my life and kids now, but I really wish I would have had the courage to go for it back then.

Financial reality really does prohibit me from going now. But it doesn't prevent me from doing the next best thing- ordering the course and doing the best I can on it and get some insight from instruction off of my attempts and not just some examples out of a book.

One thing I do have now that I didn't when I was younger is life experience... and all the knowledge I've accumulated from filmmaking and learning about animation. Acting, composition, storytelling, pacing... But I am very mindful that while I do have a more solid understanding of all of this, I am still a student, and I am still wanting to learn from instructors- and I want to avoid the impulse of trying to impress them. The trick is to be humble- that allows you to learn more.

So, all that said, I am really excited to get the first course that should be arriving next Tuesday! I will post pictures of unwrapping it!!!

80s-type Space Fantasy

Beware the Cat-Eyed Cyclops Sasquatch!

Been messing around with a couple of old ball point pen sketches. The idea for these group of characters was meant to be a take on a 80s indy comic's blatant rip-off of Star Wars. Pretty specific? Actually, not really- I'd go as far as saying that many comic books back then were very derivative of Star Wars or Star Trek.

I couldn't help but to put a mullet on the space pirate.

10,000 DRAWINGS... will give you such a crick in the neck!

I always get excited when someone takes an interest in my artwork. I get even more excited when that person also likes to draw but needs some encouragement. It really is about convincing yourself it’s okay to draw and not be where you want to be. It should be exciting- it’s like looking out the window and getting ready for a roadtrip! I don’t mean to sound trite- but it really is about the journey. I had heard somewhere that we have 10,000 bad drawings in us, and it’s up to us to get them out. It’s similar to the 10,000 hour rule- spend 10k hours practicing a skill to become world class. I believe it. For me, it will probably be 30k… but that’s all on me.

I had realized something recently- and it’s taken me a long time to come to this conclusion… but if anything, it’s this: Art is more than the final result. You must ENJOY the method.

You have to like the act of actually doing it! The art is secondary to the act of putting pencil to the paper- of putting paint to the canvas. Once you find that feeling, then the rest is easy… you’ll do it because you enjoy it.

One thing, though, is it becomes difficult when you’re not supported by your loved ones. And being tolerated is not the same as support. That said, you have to do it anyway. If it’s a problem with them, they are the ones that are the problem. Doing the art becomes an act of courage- to overcome the guilt they inflict. That’s the hardest thing to do. And it goes back to the first thing- you have to do it because you have to want to do it, you have to enjoy the process. Even if you can’t do it at home, find a place to do it outside of home- whether it be on a lunch break or take a day off and make it a day for yourself.

Then there’s the whole thing of comparing yourself to others. First off, it’s not fair to you or even to the other person. Your experiences are completely different, and you’ll be on different stages of your journey. Personally I find this very hard. There are so many artists I want to draw like, but then I must realize none can draw like me. I am always striving to get better, but I have to learn to love what I draw. And, after many, many, many years of drawing, I do!

I see a lot of younger incredible artists with amazing ability- but most of the stuff out there looks the same. Disney or Anime inspired. Technically they’re gorgeous, but it’s all the same voice and none of it is distinctive. It’s good to start somewhere, I suppose… but why do I feel like they’re all imposters? Controversial statement? Maybe, but it’s controversial because it hits a nerve. The point is that I want to see some fresh individualism. And there is some of it, and I RESPECT it when I do see it.

But back to wanting to draw. Keep a sketchbook with you as much as possible… even a small pocket-sized one. Learn to draw with implements that scare you- like ball point pens. No one has to see your work. Have fun with it. Play in the sandbox. None of it matters… just keep doing it. Eventually, your newer work will look better than your older work. And, if you structure your art with some good old knowledge, you’ll be THAT much further along.

The Bookshelf Academy

Fun little project I did for work. It turned out well, but I knew I was out of practice.

I was listless and uninspired.

I was sitting at my desk in a “Now what?” state of mind. I had just finished a large illustration project for work (a series of illustrations, title page above) , and although I was satisfied with what I had done in the time I had to do it, I felt that I could have done so much more. A large part of it was speed, and to a greater extent, I was severely out of practice.

As I reflected on my past week, I felt a bit empty. I had a vacation coming up which will involve travel, but I know how I am—I get antsy when I’m not doing anything creative. So I sat, paralyzed by the thought of my lack of time, lack of inspiration, and knowing full well I need to put in the hours to get better. “Now what?"

Some backstory: I’m currently in the middle of a personal project—inventorying all of my books. It’s a culmination of 25 years of collecting, and I own quite a bit. I haven’t used many of them. I’m on a long journey toward minimalism and I want to unburden myself with what I haven’t used by selling it all off. I thought to myself, “I sure didn’t get my money’s worth."

Then the internal dialogue started...

Why? Why didn’t I get my money’s worth? I certainly thought there was worth when I found it in the bookstore. I sat with said book for an hour or two after I bought it… what was I hoping I could use it for? After the initial excitement wore off, I would put the book down. They would sit from my small table, then they would accumulate to a stack on the large table, then to unused light table, until it eventually was wedged somehow into my overstuffed bookshelf to gather dust. The intention was fleeting.

I despaired, “Man, if only I could draw as well as these authors that work assignment wouldn’t have been so difficult." Then the thought struck me like a bolt of lightning in the back of my skull: I didn’t put the work into those books in order to get the worth OUT of the book.  It wasn’t the book’s or author’s fault that I didn’t find worth in it—I didn’t investigate it. That puts it all on me because I didn’t fulfill my obligation as a book buyer to put in the hours and USE the book by doing the tutorials and exercises. So many lessons... a repository of knowledge that sits untapped. 

In the tumultuous venture of my life, the obvious USE of the books eluded me. 

 

That was it. I was going to get the book’s worth out of it. Heck, I’m going to get my entire library’s worth out of it. The idea is simple enough: I am going to do the exercises in each book; utilize the book, do the lessons, and not let it go to waste.

Suddenly, I had direction. 

No more sitting around wondering what to draw in the meantime—I have guides now, mentors enshrined on ink-stained paper. I have my own bookshelf academy waiting to be used… an entire university curriculum in three bookcases filled with hundreds of books acquired over 25 years. My personal library is more robust than many small community college libraries. That might be a sad commentary on our society’s value of art in education, but I digress.

I don’t know how well the lessons really are in these. I don’t know if the techniques are sound or not. I do know I will be drawing and discovering. I know I’ll be putting in the time and improving by the very nature of doing. I do know, for whatever they’re worth, I will get the value from what my original intent was.

Going about it.

I’ve been accepted into Bookshelf Academy… great. Now what? I needed to break this down systematically using the typical educational model: course, assignments, and tests. 

Most of the books I have are Instructional Art books: How to Draw People, How to draw comics, how to ink, how to draw sci-fi, how to animate.. on and on. Each book is a course.

One of the things I think that kept me from doing it was my ego. “It’s not going to be my work.” Fair enough- but school had assignments. I needed to shift my thinking- I’m not copying their art, I’m doing an assignment. I can always do it twice- once their way, and once my own way. That is my self imposed assignment.

How do I know it’s working?

I need to find a rubric that would demonstrate how well I absorbed the material. How can I test myself? Well… I’ve always been told that art ability is honest- you know when someone is good or bad by just looking at it.

It’s subjective too… but that’s a whole different ballgame and often tied to the subject itself. A self evaluation is fine, but posting the original art up on boards and getting feedback, and simply posting it on social media and garnering likes… if it gets a lot attention, it’s gotta be good.

This isn’t a perfect way to measure, so it’s a work in progress. Perhaps one of the books has an idea on how to do it. I guess I’ll find out.